Pistachio The Goddamn Penguin

You may know penguins as being cute cuddly arctic birds

like these                                                             Or these

Or even these.....

BUT DID YOU KNOW?!

Most penguins are actually...




Seriously, just look at this thing's dumb face. Very uncool.







But, what if I told you there's a new penguin in town?

Because there is, and he's basically the only penguin worth caring about



The myth, The legend. The coolest goddamn bird in the world



Pistachio

Pistachio



Pistachio

Just check out Pistachio's killer schedule

Pistachio's Badass To-Do List

Time

Activity

04:00 am

Wake up

05:00 am

Work out

06:30 am

Fish smoothie

07:00 am

Set goals

08:00 am

Crush them

08:30 am

Contemplate the absurdity of existence

09:00 am

Meet with The President



By now, you're probably pretty impressed

But why not show us just how much

On a scale of awesome to very awesome
how awesome is this fucking penguin?


Awesome Very Awesome



Isn't the illusion of choice fun?


Anyway, take some time to fill out this sweet survey!


What are your favorite things about Pistachio?